Jaws

We woke up dam early to escape the traffic of the Garden Route. After a lovely (long) drive passing loads of vine yards and ostrich farms…… hang on a sec, let me moan about ostriches for a moment. They really are the most pointless and stupid looking animals on this planet, they are the drag queens of the bird world with their silly big feathers and stupid long legs! Apparently some crazy farmer type South Africans even race them!

Now where was I? Oh yes, so after a long drive we hit the most southern tip of Africa ‘Cape Agulhas’. It is where the Atlantic meets the Indian Ocean. (I’m sure Dad can give us a few facts on it)

Comedy Cocking in South Africa

Cape Agulhas had some wonderful Art Deco building which I loved but Ellie hated, at this point she pointed out a house she liked that can only be describe as a 3 story Fred Flintstone house, that in my eyes was rather disgusting. I think she was pulling my leg….. Well I hope she was! *Stu, I didn’t know that SA was such a hot bed for Architects, get a job here and make some communist style blocks of flats*

Our final stop for the day and our base for the next couple of nights was the fishing town of Hermanus.

Hermanus has the look and feel of a Cornish fishing town but it has one dark secret that has put it firmly on the world map. Its home to the breaching Great White Shark. This is the only place in the world where the Great White has learnt a clever trick of catching its favorite meal, Cape Seal (I’m not talking about the one hit wonder Seal, though feeding him to the sharks wouldn’t be such a bad thing). The Great White swims so fast and hits the poor seal so hard the shark can breach the water and catch the seal in its huge gob, you have probably all seen this on the BBCs Planet Earth.

We had 1/2 a day to kill once we got to Hermanus so we went out to a very posh seafood and Sushi restaurant by the harbor, Ellie being the glamour puss she is fitted in no problem but I wondered in to the place wearing flip flops, my green Hustler t-shirt and my combat shorts. I must say I did get some funny looks from the staff. As we are in SA everything is so flipping cheap. A 3 course meal at this restaurant only came to £24 and as we are in wine country a bottle cost under £3. Flipping bargain.

The next day we headed down to the harbor for a spot of shark watching. The weather turned a bit nasty and there was rather large swell but that didn’t stop us from going out to see the sharks. We met the other 12 people who going out with us. We some annoying french people with us which I thought would be great to use as bait for the sharks, unfortunately this wasn’t the case. Our diving master was a bit of a mad bastard as well, he is famous for his diving with the Great White without a cage. Some of the photos of him and the sharks are world famous and you would have seen the last year in the UK papers. He also likes to kiss them on the nose.

So we set for seal Island which about 3 miles from the mainland. It doesn’t take long for us to get there in our converted fishing boat with twin 200hp engine bolted on the back of it. Bouncing over the massive waves was great fun for Ellie and I but you could see some people were starting to go green. We got suited up in the wet suits and at this point I spot one of the French guys choice of swimming costume. A nice blue and PINK Speedo! very fetching indeed, I think Ellie is hoping I get one some day.
Once the crew had sorted out the cage they started to chum (bait) with old pieces of rotting tuna and other fish guts. Its only minutes until the sharks started circling the boat, the 1st time you see these big fish you realise they are nothing like how the press and media portray them and that they are very graceful creatures. Saying that you wouldn’t get me swimming with them without a cage.
Once you get in the cage the dive master watches out for the sharks from the boat and tells you when to hold your breath and go underwater.

The 1st shark I saw underwater swam straight passed the cage, it was jaw dropping seeing this massive killer only a few feet away from me and then just disappear in to the murky depths of the Atlantic. I think at this point I dropped a log in my wet suit!

We must have seen a few different sharks the biggest one being about 3.5 meters long (looks much bigger underwater). A bit later one of shark took the bait and started to wrestle with it sending its tail (do fish have tails?) crashing in to the cage, very scary.

After our time in the cage we headed back to the mainland, I mustn’t laugh but Ellie and I did have a bit of a giggle when loads of our group started getting sea sick. I will never get the picture out of my head of all those people bending over the side of the boat chucking up all the way back to the mainland. I wonder if the sharks enjoyed the taste of mashed up carrots and peanuts. ‘YUCK SAM’ Oh dear I’ve gone to far again.

AWARDS OF THE DAY
Twat of the day
Has to go to Speedo French guy for sticking his arm out of the cage to take a photo of the shark ever time one got close. Those sharks can move lightning fast and could have easily bitten his arm clean off. Twat!

I’ve Got Big Balls Award
Goes to the blind American who dived with us. If it wasn’t scary enough seeing the shark crash in to the cage just imagine what it must feel like to not knowing what the hell is going on and just feeling it. big respect! though I was tempted to shout out ‘The cage has a massive hole in it’ and see what he would have done. Oh I’m going to hell now!

4 Responses to “Jaws”

1. Mum & Sis says:

   May 30, 2007 at 1:01 pm

   Most amusing report!!!All sounds great.
2. joan nathan says:

   May 31, 2007 at 1:57 pm

   Great blogging Random. Keep it up. Food and Vino sounds great value. Did you get a look at the Shark’s cock? (seeing as that seems to be the theme of these blogs)
3. Jenny says:

   June 5, 2007 at 4:30 pm

   Thanks for the magazine Sam. How many other Jen’s did you spot in SA? Any in Riga?

   BYW, stop moaning about girl drivers, clearly Ellie drove very well round SA and I drove brilliantly to Wales. You are just a big girls blouse and only let the gay white snail go 20mph!!

   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
4. Jen says:

   June 8, 2007 at 5:57 pm

   I’ve just seen what ou wrote about Ellie thinking I look like a white Tyra. I am so not impressed, I hate hate HATE Tyra. Tell Ellie never to contact me again unless she wants a bitch slap.
   hahahah x