The American Road Trip

San Fran airport is where I was waiting for the mystery guest to arrive, I didn’t even see Lee walk in to the arrives hall as I was using the free wi-fi in the airport. Mr Sparey was going to be my copilot for the next 10 days as we travel down Highway 1 to LA where the plan was to party hard with my good Mongolian friend Virginia on Halloween. He was the driver (I don’t think he trusted me with his life) and I was the brains behind the whole operation (I can just see Lee’s face when he reads that)

We hire a car which we named the Butch White Bear, it was called Dodge Calibre and I suddenly found myself becoming Jerry Clarkson and ripping this poorly made plastic beast apart. American cars in general seem rubbish and poorly made compared to the European models. Then again what do I know? I drive the gay white snail back in the UK, how I miss that car.

First stop one the road trip was the little coastal town of Stinson. A lovely little town north of San Fran, with a long sand beach and crashing surf and a couple of bars and restaurants made up the small town. I think this place is better suited to bring a girl than Lee, though Lee did his best to try and woo me that night but I wasn’t having any of it.

The next day was a long drive east to another place I have always want to see. Yosemite National Park. Does it disappoint? Hell no, again we picked the right time of the year to go, dark blue skies and wonderful bright Fall colours in the trees. We drove on the Tioga Pass which is the only way to get to the state of Nevada through in the park. In the winter time the pass becomes impossible to pass due to all the snow up there. The pass peaks out at just under 10000 feet, I’m not sure what that is in meters but I’m sure some clever clogs can work it out. The views of the Sierra Mountains are well just have a look for yourself.

After the thrilling drive over the pass and with the Butch White Bears breaks starting to heat up and smell we thought we better call it a night. The next day we started the day off at Mono Lake which was a extremely interesting and very surreal landscape. The calcium which flows down from the mountains and mixes with the salt in the lake creates these rather interesting and impressive rock formations.

The best thing about being on this side of Yosemite is there are only a hand full of people around. The next stop was the ghost town of Bowdie, this was a bit of a fluke to get here as neither one of us knew it was there, I only happen to see it in the tourist office when Lee was going to the shit. A really interesting place to look around and photography. It used to be an old gold mining town… aren’t they all?

Again we were lucky and there weren’t many people around. What a great place, i bet its really different in the summertime with all the tour groups. We headed back over the pass and down the valley to view Half Dome which is another thing on the Imustseebeforeidie list. It is a bit crowded down in the valley but the view of Half Dome is spectacular to say the least. I want to come back to Yosemite one day and climb that giant piece of rock.

The same day we drove back to the coast to end up in Santa Cruz, I had been told this place is full of freaks, misfits, skaters,surf dudes and college kids, they weren’t half wrong. It is also the place from the 1980s film the Lost Boys so I had to take a few photos of the Boardwalk for Charlie. There you go Charlie!

The night was hanging out with Hipsters and college kids dancing around to Depeche Mode and other 80s music. I loved the town and would go back there in a flash unlike Lee as he is to posh to hang around weirdos and freaks, which begs to answer what he is doing with me then?

Back on the road again, this time travelling south to Santa Barbara, another thing I can tick off my list is that i have travelled down the Big Sur, This is 90km of coastal road which is meant to be one of the best coastal roads in the world. I wouldn’t say its as good as Chapman’s Peak in Cape Town but its still a great drive.

Arriving in Santa Monica on Halloween wasn’t the best idea. I didn’t know at the time but at the University each year they have the biggest Halloween party for Students. The town was so busy with people queueing up outside Halloween shops to buy there last minute costumes and all the motels were booked out, it took us a good few hours to find a motel which wasn’t to expensive and not miles out of town. We didn’t go to that Halloween ball at the Uni as we were told to stay away and they were trying to keep it a local event. It didn’t really bother us to much as we had a great time in town partying with everyone else down in the town. I’ve found a new drink for you all to try, Vanilla Vodka and Coke, I know its not that original but go on try it, you will love it.

The next day was spent nursing my handover, oh guys it was a bad one so it was eating and sleeping most of the day. But I wasn’t the only one in these 10 days to get sick…. oh no, Lee had troubles all of his own, whether he couldn’t poo, was pooing to much or being sick from ‘drinking a cocktail of beer, wine and Black Russians he was in a bit of a mess. he he.

Off we go again, the next location was past LA to see if we could find a cheap place to stay in Laguna Beach, yeah right. The home of the show ‘The OC’ so nothing was under $100 which for a rich man like Lee was nothing ‘Take my money peasants, I am Sir Lee of South London’ I would often hear him say to the average Joe on the street. We drove back to Huntington beach which is the surf capital of California so there are many ‘dudes’ and rich college kids hanging around. The night time we hung around bars drinking and watching the college kids play beer pong. All the girls had fake breast, big lips, bleach blond hair and a orange tan to rival Dale Winton’s, i really did think I was in the auditions for Baywatch. It has got to that point in this day and age where school girls aren’t asking for cars for there graduation present but instead cosmetic surgery. I guess living in such a superficial place as LA everyone wants to look perfect and become famous. There is so much pressure to look amazing and flawless, everywhere you look there are billboards telling you to get a new set of breasts for 1/2 price or shocking radio commercials telling you to get rid of your muffin top (fat stomach) and that you can do something about it for only $1000. I hate to see where this will end, I give it 10 years and I bet in LA they will have clinics for kids so mum and dad can shape there child in to a mini Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson. I don’t know, maybe this goes on now but if we keep going like this the human race will look like a bunch of wax work models that wouldn’t look out of place in Madam Tussauds.

Off to Hollywood we go, its nothing how I imagined, I thought it was going to be rather posh and ritzy but no, full of homeless people and crackheads. Nah, its not that bad but it is certainly different than I imagined. I had to get my photo taken on the walk of fame with the shittest celebrate I could find.

Well I think I found one of the worse. God knows what she is doing on Walk of Fame, she is shit.

It was great to meet up with my lovely travelling pal Virginia again, she took us Halloween costume shopping for tomorrow’s Halloween parade in West Hollywood. We didn’t really get up to much the rest of the evening, went to have a look around Beverly Hills and Bel Air which have some amazing houses…. oh how the other half live. We ended up at the Grove which is a posh outside Mall, Lee bought the new iPod Touch, how flipping cool are they people? It surely has to be the sexiest looking toy on this planet at the moment. I had to stop myself buying one. Go on Lee rub it in!

The next day was crunch day, The biggest Halloween party in the world. 300000 people hanging out on Santa Monica Boulevard drinking and dancing. Sounds like my kind of place so I couldn’t miss out on this party. Lee went as Disco Dracula and I went as a hippie which people seem to love.

Armed with the choice of drink for carnivals ‘Malibu’ we set off for the long walk down to the parade. Some of the costumes where magnified and people must have taken months to make them. Most of the girls I think it was just an excuses to dress up in there underwear or showing as much of their flesh they could without getting arrested and had really nothing to do with Halloween. Still Lee and I enjoyed the view, it was very pleasing on the eyes.

We met up with Virginia (dressed up as a Roller skating Squirrel… without the roller skates, nice one girl) and her wicked pals. They carried on partying with us in West Hollywood and yes, more gay bars. What is it with me and gay bars in America? It was so much fun and I think I may have been dreaming but I’m sure there was another ‘Mode Watch’. There was definitely some Cure played at one of the bars. It was such a fun night and I could have carried on but no, all the bars closed at 3am so it was back to the Motel for some sleep which was a tad of a shame.

I said my farewells to Lee in the morning of the Friday, I had a wicked 10 days travelling down the coast with him, thanks for doing all the driving and thanks for paying for a couple of Motels which was very kind of you but as he is soooooo rich I thought he was going to treated me to a couple of night in the Beverly Hills Hotel for the weekend as a leaving present, but no I had to settle for a hostel in Santa Monica which wasn’t to bad, one block away from the Baywatch beach so I was happy, I could pretend I was the Hoff for the weekend. I didn’t get up to much over the weekend, one of the reasons LA is so spread out and is a nightmare to get anywhere on public transport so I ended up chilling on the beach or walking around Venice beach watching all the freaks and weirdos hustling tourists for money. It hasn’t changed much since the last time I was there in the early 90s. Its a really colourful place and one of the better districts of LA. I did see a homeless man piss himself as couple of cops were trying to move him on. This was worth a few minutes of viewing time as the cops didn’t really want to touch him and had to hold their noses every time they got close to him. Poor fella, I guess this is what Kenney has to put up with when Jen gets drunk. he he.

Meeting up with V on the Monday to do some last minute sightseeing we walked around downtown LA and took in the sights of the wonderful Disney Concert Hall which is another building designed by Frank Gehry.

In the evening we hung out at a wicked hipster bar with her good friend Meg who has one of the worlds best laughs.
The Sad part of the evening was when I had to say goodbye to my dear friend Virginia as I was leaving for my next part of the US adventure. Taking my last Polaroid photo of us both I suddenly found myself on the bus looking back at her as she disappeared in to the dark streets of east Hollywood. Something tells me that won’t be the last time i see my dear friend of La La Land. Thanks for a rocking time V.

Next stop the bright lights of Vegas.

2 Responses to “The American Road Trip”

1. Lee says:

   November 29, 2007 at 12:26 pm

   You forgot to tell them about our search for Britney, getting stuck behind f***ing RVs and Cranking Dat most of the time the radio was switched on!
2. Jen says:

   December 7, 2007 at 6:00 pm

   Go to the train cemetery in Uyuni, Boliva – looks like those cars. Sounds shit but actually really cool.
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