Lake Atitlan Uncovered

Ten years ago I saw an article in my first ever National Geographic about a lake in Guatemala. Drooling over the beautiful photos of this majestic lake its one place i’ve always wanted to visit. And now I’m 2 hours away speeding up and down the valleys that lies between Antiqua and the lake. The weather was a bit crappy as the afternoon clouds rolled in but nothing is going to stop me seeing this lake…… . We roll up to the Pana which is the port town on the north east end of the lake and I was so excited to set eyes on it i couldn’t get down to the harbor fast enough. As I approach the lake my eyes dim as all I can see in front of me is murky water and a thick blanket of mist surrounding the lake, no mountains, no 3000 meter Volcanoes.. Nothing! And to make matters worse it was bloody freezing. Welcome to Lake Atitlan.

So let me introduce you to my merry band of men and women.
Chris and Monica, two old School Friends from Ohio. This was there first time backpacking and they had more toys and gadgets with them than Inspector Gadget. A friendly and helpful pair who were on a 6 month trip down to Brazil. Chris had the unique ability to always go to bed early. Never have I met a 20 something that like to sleep as much as him.

David and Sahar from Sydney. An energetic couple who had been in Peru working and were on there way back to OZ after travelling for a month around Central America. David was the first person I’ve spoken to in a while who had travelled the Tran-Siberian so we had a lot to talk about. I also Introduced them to Comedy Cocking around the world and I think it was a big hit, I’m sure they will be practicing down under.

Lisa from Shepherds Bush, the 22 year old with huge piercing blue eyes was not only fascinating but was such a laugh to hang out with. Studying to become a criminal barrister she was the smartest 22 year old I think I have ever met. She always seem to have an air of positivity around her and you couldn’t help but smile every time she talked. I knew I would get along with Lisa once she mention her local pub is the Defectors Weld. Lisa was on a 4 month tour of Central and South America and was heading to the lake to study Spanish in the small village of San Pedro. It was also great to speak to another Londoner about…. well what else but London!

Machete Mike, Named Machete now as he now carried one in his backpack. By the time we left San Pedro I think the whole town knew of his name. The guy is a utter legend in my books. I’m gutted that I didn’t get to say good bye to him but he had more pressing issues in asking girls back to his……… tent. Mike also told us one of the most disturbing and funniest stories I have heard in a long time. I’m not sure I should write about it as its such bad taste but I can’t stop myself.

Ok, the story goes that Mike met two Aussies in Belize on Caya Caulker, they got chatting about drug related stories and this Aussie pipes up about there friend who was meant to come on this trip with them.
So back in OZ the 3 of them were indulging in a night of taking LSD round one of their houses. After they all started tripping one of them starts to scream and is convinced that he can see the devil in front of him, at this point he gets up and grabs his friends car keys and speeds off in to the night. Later on that night the other two start to snap out of it as the LSD wears off and a few hours later their friend returns as white as a ghost.
“I’ve caught a monster” he says still shaking. “I have it in the trunk of the car”.
The other two look at each and burst out laughing. Still thinking their friend is on another planet they go and investigate. Opening the trunk of the car the are confronted by a duck taped box that is screaming and moving around. “See I told you, I caught a monster” The other two now looking a bit worried quickly cut open the box to reveal the so called monster. Inside they find no monster, just a very very confused child with…………… Down Syndrome.
How dark is that? The guy who caught the ‘monster’ is now serving three years behind bars for kidnapping.

“I fucking hate hippies” I utter as we are speeding to the hippie villages on the lake. San Marcos is known for its Californian hippies which settled there and set up healing shops, massage and veggie restaurants. The whole town is made up of tie dyed wearing jewelry making, dope smoking tarot card reading weirdoes. “I think I hate hippies more than i hate chavs” I tell Lisa as she is staring at me like death warmed up, her eyes are pointing to the girl next to me. Oh no, its a colourful skirt wearing hippie girl with a bag full of vegetables and fruit. We reach the dock at San Marcos and the girl and her b/f depart quietly and I’m feeling really bad about slagging off hippies. Unlike the group I was with who started to take the piss out of me “Nice one Sam, you know they have gone for hippie reinforcements” “They will be throwing flowers at the boat telling us to go back to our capitalise ways”. But the joke was on all of them as standing on the dock were a couple of hippies which they didn’t see and when the boat left the dock they gave us all the biggest glare. The fact that these hippies where both wearing iPods really made me think they were wannabes anyway.

We get to San Pedro and as soon as we are off the boat the guy from the tourist information who we named ‘Jim will fix it’ found us a hotel for $4 a night with lake views. Its the most bizarre tourist information I have ever come across as he could sort out anything. Spanish Schools, Hikes, kayaking and drugs…. yep the tourist information in San Pedro is the most random thing I have come across. Jim would pop his head around the door most mornings to make sure we were ok and to try to sell us tours and…… space cookies!
San Pedro feels a bit like a hippie version of Ibiza. Bars and clubs line the main street, banging techno clubs and small cafes. Its a bit tacky and really destroyed my imagine that I had built up in my mind about the lake 10 years ago.

The next morning I woke up to the sun shining and my first view of the lake. Again as I always say whenever i see something new, it truly is the most beautiful lake i have ever seen. The two gigantic volcanoes across the other side of the lake and with the volcano of San Pedro overshadowing the town, it really is the most magical place i have seen. This is how I remembered it from my magazine all those years ago.
Lisa and I decided to get out of San Pedro for the day and hire a Kayak. paddling across the clear blue water of the lake towards San Marcos I couldn’t help but smile, today I felt really alive and I was sitting in the middle of the most beautiful lake in world thinking about all the people i’ve met and the things I’ve seen on this trip. I guess out of all of the places I’ve visited on this trip Atitlan was one of those places I have wanted to see more than anywhere else. The only other place I wanted to visit and would never get to on this trip is Easter Island, Chile. But that will have to wait for another time as I don’t have the money or time to head down to South America. Maybe on my next trip when I drive around the world in Billy the Land Rover I shall head down there but thats at least 5/6 years off from now.

One person I couldn’t wait to see again was my good friend from Isla Mujeres, Annaliese who had been living in San Marcos with her new boyfriend Stu who is hoping to build a house on the lake. It was great to catch up with her and the evening was spent being a ‘Gringo’ and getting trashed at all the bars, it was great getting everyone out and meeting new travelers along the way.

One thing that does surprise me about the villages around the lake other than San Pedro is the Maya culture and way of life that is still practiced. Women and Men wear traditional dress, speak the Mayan dialects and still go by the Maya Calendar, which if you believe the world will end in 2012, so London might not get the Olympics after all. Its great to see this culture is still alive in parts of Central America as for what i could make out the Mayan way of life had seem to have disappeared from the Yucatan all together.

One cool and very exhausting thing we did do was climb San Pedro Volcano. Standing at 3000 meters its not to be taken lightly, also climbing on a empty stomach and hung over from the night before is not a wise thing to do. At 6am we set off from San Pedro and worked our way up to the start of the volcano, once in the park we were lead by our machete wilding guide and we started the accent. For some reason (Most likely cause I’m unfit) I was getting such bad headaches and felt so dizzy the higher I climbed. Still I pushed on and was at the back of the group most of the way. I’m glad I made it to the top as the view of Atitlan was spectacular. After about 1 hour at the top the afternoon clouds started to close in so it was time for the long desent back down in to the town of madness.

Madness it is, On the Friday night at Bar Alegre its the Long Island Ice Tea challenge which is basically if you drink 6 Long Island Ice Teas in 2 hours you get the 7th one free. Now, one wouldn’t have risen to the challenge but you also get your photo and name on the wall and I need to have my name in lights at the lake so I would always be remembered. And remembered I was, not that I remember much from the night except getting the owner of the bar to play Shed Seven ‘Disco Down’ over and over again on the jukebox. The next thing i remember was waking up in a pool of nachos…… ok, ok i was sleeping in a pool of my own vomit. I’m sorry to tell you this Mum and Dad but these things have to be documented especially if you ever go to the Alegre Pub and see a very drunk Sam on the wall of the pub. I came, I saw, I conquered San Pedro.

Saturday there was a small music festival by the lake at another village called Santiago, I was feeling to hung over to really enjoy myself but I felt like I was transported back to Woodstock or something as a field of hippies danced around to psychedelic music and children with fairy wings wondered the stoned audience handing out popcorn. The most odd thing was that the old 1970s London rock band Bad Company played, nice to see them doing as well as the Rolling Stones.

5 days in wacky land and it was time for some RnR over at one of the other towns around the lake. Santa Cruz was on the north side of the lake and a very small place indeed, most of the town was up the mountain 20 minutes walk away but the hostel was right on the lakes edge so it made for a great view every morning waking up to the two Volcanoes that stood proud over the lake. The days at the hostel were spent swimming in the lake, chilling out on the deck and drinking in the night. One thing to note about drinking with Lisa is don’t piss her of as one drunk Israeli guy discovered as he was being a twat and calling her all manner of names only to have a drink poured over him, you go Lisa! Don’t mess with a londoner, feel the wrath.
We were joined by a couple who we met in San Pedro who go by the name of Ryan and Sydney. A really cute couple from Canada who we hung out with for the remainder of my time at the lake, Ryan Sydney and Lisa gave up Spanish Classes in San Pedro as the school wasn’t much cop. Instead they would attend class at this hostel and I some how managed to be the Teachers babysitter. Still, give a child a Macbook a Camera and Teletubbies website and they will be happy for hours.

The group

Now the part you have all been waiting for, Saturday night at the hostel is cross dressing night. Quite simple, you dress up you’re entitled to cheap drinks all night. Lets face it we looked hot, I’m sure all the boys were checking Ryan and I out, i felt like fresh meat for the taking. I bet some of you girls wish you looked like us.

After a disappointing BBQ as the chicken wasn’t cooked properly we thought we better shoot some Tequila as its meant to settle stomachs so a Mexican told Chris in Mexico City. After quite a few shots it was time for the drag queen catwalk and the winner would walk back to the dorm with a bottle of wine. The boys/women take to the stage (tables) to the sounds of Madonna ‘Like a Virgin’ and the B52 ‘Love Shack’. I was shaking my junk and my lady humps all over the place and at the end of the contest who won? Yep you are looking at the number one drag queen on Lake Atitlan. I don’t know, maybe this is a new direction for me. All I will say is look out Soho, there is a new Queen on the town!

Marc, Ryan and Me

The Chicken

The girls take to the stage

Dancing on the table

Meet Judy the Gypsy Whore

So there we have it, was the lake how I imagined it all those years ago in the National Geographic? Well, the beauty of this lake is how I imagine it but I don’t remember seeing men dressing up as women and Long Island Tea championships, I guess times change but lets hope the lake doesn’t get spoilt by us or large hotel companies building huge monstrosities on the side of the lake and turning it in to some gringo playground like Cancun. For me Its one of the wonders of our planet.

To everyone I met on the lake, thank you for making it one of my favorite memories from this world trip so far. I hope I will catch up with you again for a drink….. but please not another Long Island Ice Tea.

Next stop will be my last stop of this unforgettable country… The mountain town of Xela and home to the highest point in Central America. The Tajumulco Volcano. Will I be able to climb it or has that chicken come back to haunt me…. find out in the next exciting blog from the Random Traveller……. I like leaving you on cliff hangers, its just like the TV show Lost…… or now I dress in women’s clothes it should be more like Desperate Housewife’s.

4 Responses to “Lake Atitlan Uncovered”

1. hannah says:

   March 26, 2008 at 12:42 am

   there are no words.
2. Linda Duits says:

   March 29, 2008 at 1:17 pm

   Great story Sam. I loved Lago Atitlan, but the most beautiful lake in the world is still Titicaca – guess you’ll have to plan a new trip. Too weird a story about the monster, I shan’t be telling that as one of my own! xx
3. jordan bates says:

   September 15, 2008 at 6:19 pm

   ok all the photos wer really random but i found the gypsie ones funny lolage
4. Chad Asher says:

   January 16, 2010 at 11:29 pm

   Hi I found your site when i was searching Google for this